Alright so..Monday finally came and almost went until sometym before 7pm, I got this call from Maggie, my to-be boss(am really positive,huh? pick a leaf) and she was like I should come in tomorrow(Tuesday) at 9am..now wat i dont get is: Is it company policy to callt hose guys that didn't pass their interview. Naturally, I knew i had aced the test. I just needed someone to boost my ego. Guys need that. So the next day, I go in and of course, I am late. but What the heck, first day of work doesn't count right?

Anyway, everyone's already sitted on the roundtable. Oh, actually it was only five people. So Sam(Our Supervisor) goes all: "Here comes Konfident Kollin"...that was my handle for when we were doing Intros. I Sit and grab a newspaper. Five more people come in and tadaa, full house. sam finally says; "Congs, You are the selected few that made it." and we all node our head and shrug like "duh". "You may now go ahead and tweet or facebook, whatever you need, we are still working on your IDs.
I think you can see my concern: What kind of a job is this. Everybody is so laissez faire. the employees spend their 9-5 checking their mail, facebooking and what not.

So, we are sitting their tweeting while all simultaneously wondering: Where are our contracts?
Right then, Maggie comes in and as if she read my mind says: " You will get your contracts on Friday or maybe thursday."
I want to start work already and there she is telling me I need to wait till Thursday.
Hmmm...Just watch this space.

Don't Stop Believing

OK, so am not going to rant or bicker again.... At least until am done publishing this post. Today, after all of three weeks of aggressive searching, I have finally found what I needed. A Job. I do not know how this happened but somehow, It was right there and you know me, #Go-Getter. Of course, i applied and got short-listed by C.V. I went for the first interview and i cut through their aptitude tests like a knife through butter. Most of the rest were not so fortunate. Some failed so badly, I would not know where there I.Qs lie. If you told these guys to bark, I swear to GOD they would and some would not even blink.
Anywho, the guys who interviewed me later on loved me (no homo). So naturally, I was short listed yet again for the second interview-  I mean, just how many hoops do we have to jump through? God!!! I f there was going to be another interview, I was going to give up...Not Quit.(Giving up and Quitting are two different things).
Turns out, It was only training. The next two days where fun. We had finally gotten around to small talk and exchanging phone numbers and doing all those other things that happen in the corporate world until the Guy in-charge goes: ''We are going to have another Interview. U guys are sixteen and we only need nine.'' What the Fuck? If you don't want to give us the job, just tell us so we can go (right after you refund all our wasted hours and transport). It just goes without saying that there was a test. An interview if you prefer. This was not like any of those bu-three minute aptitude tests. This lasted for the better part of an hour. It was hard. It was bad.They tested us on the training. I had spent about three quarters of my time chatting up the girls but I came through, I think! Have some faith already... Then again, that still remains to be seen, I will let you guys know incase my Monday mail comes with a contract....and a huge starting bonus.
 Till next time..............................I have remained as Kollin.

Plot? Anyone? No?....Lame Vacation!

I don't know if its just me but Vac is really slowing down and No, that is not a good thing. Honestly, There's not much to look forward to anymore. If you are lucky someone you know will have there birthday but that will probably turn out to be a tea-party, not exactly the way she had imagined it 'nga' she was at school. You will hear of house-parties thrown by people you have never met let alone, heard of and there's that overwhelming urge to crash those. Believe me, its gotten to a point where people will pay just to be a part of something.  The other day people were lining up just to watch chicken fight, I mean Seriously?...Has it really come to this? Is it really that bad?...If you think No, you are a lying piece of work and if you say yes, well am on your side so you can breathe again now.

Anywho, wasn't the long vacation supposed to be some kind of never-ending adventure were we do all the stuff we always wanted to do but never got the chance?...I mean, take me for example, I've pretty much exhausted all the stuff i used to dream of experimenting on(well not everything, most of the really good stuff are really expensive and hard to find and also illegal) and I feel like am done, like this never-ending adventure has finally come to an end, ironically. I want out, I want to go to Campus(read:University) already so I can re-live all those crazy things i've done with a more independent mindset and no curfew whatsoever.

Its not just the lack of plot that is pushing me to think of 'campus', I think my Mum has a really elaborate plan to drive me out. Nothing I do or say seems to translate with her so I'm still calculating and working on my plan to drive myself to a point of no return.Once I finalise it, she can say goodbye to weekend visitation for all I care. Fortunately, or rather Unfortunately, my big break is in three months. I think am going to go mad. I am definitely not going to make it to the light at the end of the tunnel. But i'll make sure to keep you posted on my level of sanity. Hopefully it willnot run out before the fat lady sings(Not Adele)

Anyway, its one in the morning and I am feeling light-headed, I might as well be 'drunk-texting'...which is why I you cannot, shouldnot quote me on any of the information above. I will gladly deny it and deny having a blog too. What am I still doing up? That is none of your business!

Losing It.....Embarrassed.

This isn't like me. Lately, am "forgetting" to write on my blog. You know, I used to actually enjoy writing about my life but it seems today, like I have actually lost my Mojo. Its not that I can't find anything to write about anymore.The honest truth is that I can't write a sentence without embarrassing myself. Its happening now. Am embarrassed to say that am embarrassed to write. Am sure every avid blog-writer has gone through this phase. Some things just aren't worth writing about anymore.
This isn't how I imagined this vacation. I am so fucking broke, I can't go out. Remember Chris Rock's campaign speech in "Heads Of State"?Well, am definitely working two jobs just to stay broke. I am an Idiot.
One of the phone conversations with my boys on a Friday sounds something like this:
My Boy: "Hello?Kollo...are you out tonight?
Me: "Sure.Why not. T.G.I.F, man. So where's the party at???"
My Boy: Rugby Club then we'll rock Casablanca.
Me: Sounds good,bro. C u guys there.
On Saturday, it will go something like this:
Me: Hello. Man, where were you last night?
My Boy: Casablanca,dude.till morning. didn't see u there,man
Me: Oh yeah, I had to make a quick diversion. Met this hot girl from way way back. Went out for a drink and one thing led to another and ........u know!
My boy: Woah, dude! That why you ditched us? Good for you,man.
Me: You know me!
My boy: Whats the plan tonight.
Me: Spent a lot last night. Think I'll just stay in.
My boy: C'mon...Arrive, night's on me.
Me: What time?
And that's it. That's how I keep my friends. I am going to have to start coming up with new lines. Some of them are getting old. Also I have to invent methods to make money...well, beside a job. Am quitting one of my jobs.(Seriously, I hand in my resignation letter on Monday).
Am officially back to my original plan for vac: Sleeping, Eating, Watching movies. Err..I will also have to steal some of my mom's money so I can go out for real and make it count. Will let you know how this works out.

Writer's Block???

'Took You Long Enough'-that's what you might think but there's a reason i have been M.I.A especially since Valentines' Day. I'm going to try to make this as believable as i possibly could. I am suffering from an extremely rare complex of "Writers' Block"...It s not your everyday thing...mine's kind of different. I have had so many ideas about what to write about. So many, i couldnot quite get my head to work. While i am working on one, another just pops up and am left confused and none the wiser.

It has been an interesting two weeks, i can tell u that. There's so many developments and (i don't have any idea what the opposite of 'development' is)
 On the personal scene, i broke up with my girlfriend of three years, details withheld: it was brutal and am still working on forgetting her..am getting around to deleting all her texts. Not that that really concerns you!

My results came back, for UACE and they totally blew mind, I couldnot believe them myself. i had expected higher but these were a bitch-slap in the face for all those people that had had an 'inkling' mbu i should repeat the senior five form. I said it then(quitely, it was barely a whisper) but this time i'll say it louder and with even more clarity than before: GO TO HELL!!!

Uganda still needs lots of prayers. There's alot of corruption and that's a big problem for you...and well me.
Syda Bbumba, Minister for Gender and Ethics(i think) and our former Attorney General: Kiddu Makubya have been caught on a lie and duly resigned... Mutebile is currently media's crosshairs and  there is a lot of speculation under the current circumstances that he might resign...He is so effin' proud and arrogant, its annoying. In the Layman's view, i think he should or Syda and Kiddu should be forgiven and brought back on board....click here Mutebile: Only God can suck Me...Fuck Yhue!!!


In other news, UMEME has failed to do its job and the power crisis is ongoing and thus has been dubbed: "Uganda Muffe Enzikiza Muffe Enzikiza...translating to .....am sure Google's translator(powerful little tool) can help with that. I don't see how i could possibly grammatically spell it out for you.

Also, Internet is currently down(stop wondering how am writing this). Apparently some foolish idiot, dropped an anchor that hit the undersea fiber cables. The entire subcontinent of EastAfrica has slowed down economically because some nincompoop(probably a pirate) did not learn how to drop an anchor slowly so that it glides and hits the sea bed with minimum force...Asshole...Thanks to Warid i have been given priority over any number of bytes that gets through their switch...If u can believe it, i'll tell you a little secret, i had to hack their firewall, it was atleast quite harder than that of Parliament and almost worth it.


I love my life and my country...The drama never stops!!!  Am glad am Ugandan(even though my hair doesnot quite sell that fact!)

Valentines' Day Craze

Everybody is going on and on about this day and i just don't get it....Why am i so crass? well, i would not know how to answer that. May be its because i actually don't give a shit about this day or because i do not have a Valentine. The answer might as well be...None of the above.
Truth be told, i do not think that people should wait a whole year for just one day to show their better half what they really mean to them... That's no different than what happened to Whitney Houston. I mean people 'used' to love and respect her for her music but that was  a longtime ago before her mid-life crises....When she died, only a few days ago, everybody, every magazine, televison, radio station suddenly decided it would pay to air her music and her accomplishments and that is nothing if not 'uncool'.

I believe, if you really love someone, then Valentine's day for the two of you should be every single day. Alright fine, the day is nearly done now...so what does that mean? That you will stop buying her roses, expensive seven course meals, jewellery. Is it when you actually cease with all the compliments?

Do you see my point? Valentines' day is no sacred tradition... I think its bullshit. The ancestors also really did a number on us with the whole Cupid thing. i think its vaguely a hoax and colossal waste of time.

Girls want Fluffy pink bears, Chocolates or Flowers every single day not just on some corporate-mandated holiday.


                                                                                                                           What say you?
                                                                                         

On Tenterhooks...24/7

Guess, the time has finally come. Pretty soon, the UACE results will be released and i know its not just me, all the long vacists must be freaking out, even those that say they arenot. I think we Ugandans have a phrase for that: "Tuli Ku Bunkenke".
Its really funny because well, we all knew this time would come so there really shouldn't be this much tension. Not so long ago, each and every one of these vacists was praying for the horrifying 'kantab' (inside slang) period to just end knowing very well that there was the part where they had to get their results. I think psychologists call it 'Post Examination Stress'..Some people even get the pre-exam gitters, some get them both which begs the question: What is it about UNEB that makes everybody so? Its just an 'effing exam,right?

Well, i guess nobody cares, its just another one of those things you cannot undo or fix once its done...If you fail, well better luck next tym; If u pass, good for you...and then there's those that read and still fail, well nobody wants to know that you read, shit happens sometimes lol, just chalk it up to bad luck or an old ancestral grudge and move on, c'est la vie!!!

Guess now, all we can do is get down on our knees and give the almighty his due, go for as many fellowships and overnights as we could possibly afford to and just hope for the best knowing our destiny wont mess everything up!
                                                                                                                      Bon Chance